I remember one morning, I was saddling up my horse—just like I’d done so many times before.
But as I thought about actually getting on… my hands started to shake.

My heart was racing.
My stomach dropped.

My hands felt numb, shaking.
Butterflies in my stomach—but not the good kind.

I didn’t want to feel like that. I didn’t want my horse to feel my fear and anxiety.
So I did what I thought might help—I ran on the spot, did a few jumping jacks… trying to shake the nerves out of my body.

I even started to convinced myself, that I had 2 childbirths, so riding my beautiful horse can’t be that challenging, right?

But it didn’t really help.
When I finally got on after about 20 min I managed to mount. I sat in the saddle, but my body froze. I felt stiff, I felt like a complete beginner.

I remember saying to Banjo, my gelding
“Please, just stand still. Please just don’t move.”

And that feeling—being so tense and disconnected from myself—it was awful.
It drove me insane.
I felt confused, frustrated.

And if I’m honest? Ashamed.

(I was competing in Dressage and Showjumping, back in the days, as a young adult, I’ve ridden different horse, including mares, stallions, big and small horses)

Driving home, I remember I was trying to make sense of all this.

I kept asking myself:
“Why am I feeling this way? After all these years?”

Back then, I didn’t have the answer, just questions, and I didn’t know who to turn too. My husband didn’t understand it either, he just kept telling me to keep on riding, or ‘you know how to ride, what is the problem’? which didn’t really help my confidence.

However, here’s what I now know—and what I teach other women too:

Fear isn’t always about skill.
It’s about safety.
And it doesn’t just live in your thoughts.
It lives in your nervous system.

If the horse brings up emotions like fear or anxiety, what can you do with that? 

In this video we’ll explore how to overcome your fear, and what techniques we can use to reduce the fear. 

Hi, I’m Abby Shpilman — a trauma therapist and horse owner. 

I specialise in helping female equestrians overcome fear, anxiety and self doubt. 

I believe that confidence isn’t built by forcing yourself through fear.

Your emotional responses , your fear, your anxiety, come from your history, not your horsemanship.
So what is going on? 

Your nervous system is wired for survival.
When something reminds your brain of a past pain, it reacts as if it’s happening again. and your survival adaptation comes up. 

This might look like:

• Are you getting frustrated, tense, or trying to control the horse – which is a fight response
• Are you panicking, wanting to dismount or give up – which is a Flight response
• Or do you feel stiff, frozen, going numb – which a freeze response.

There’s is no right or wrong, and your responses are valid.

I’m trying to ask you to be aware of your emotions, of your patterns.

Once we aware, we can change the pattern, we can learn what behind it and we can work toward feeling better.

So if you feel scared to ride, instead of asking what to do when I feel scared, I’d like you to ask, and be curious why is this fear showing up in the first place?

What is the reason behind the fear? 

You see, a fear is a trauma response, it is a symptom. 

So if this is a symptom, what is the reason behind it? 

There could be different reasons such as, you had a fall, and now your body is trying to protect you by bringing up the fear. 

The fear could come up because you don’t trust your riding skills

The fear could be from lack of trust with your horse, you just don’t trust them. So then I would ask – what led you to feel the lack of trust? 

Talking about lack of trust, I work with a woman who came to me as she felt she couldn’t trust her horse. 

When we enquired further to understand what was behind that lack of trust, it appears that it started when she has gone through a difficult breakup with her ex partner. 

She knows how to ride, she used to train horses for a living. 

However this one horse, that also has gone through trauma himself, brought up those feelings from about 30 years ago.

So we processed those feelings, we are still working on it, but now she knows it is not the horse, it is her past trauma where she felt betrayed that caused her to feel this way. 

So once you become curious about why you are scared, why the anxiety shows up near your horse, or while riding, then we are less ashamed of it, we take our time to listen to the body and 

With the right support we are able to process the fear and move forward. 

Btw, if you are interested to understand what is behind your fear, let’s have a chat, press the link to book your free consultation. 

Ok, so you feel scared to ride, what should you do?

Here are a few tips:

1. Notice, don’t judge be curious
   When you feel something big come up—fear, tears, tightness—can you simply name it? or you can journal about it, or simply write it down on a piece of paper to start being aware of those emotions.
2. Be gentle with yourself
   Most riders default to self-criticism. Instead, I’d like you to ask:
   “What does my body need right now to feel safe?” be curious about it. 
3. Create moments of safety
   Use breath, grounding, slow movements, or even step off if needed.
   You’re not “quitting”—you’re honouring your nervous system.
4. Try to be present in your body. For example, feel your legs on the ground, feel the toes, move your toes,  feel the pressure from your foot in the stirrup, feel the reins between your fingers, feel the soft touch of the knee against the saddle. The more you are in your body the more you are present. It is about being aware of it and reminding yourself to check in with your body. 
5. Celebrate emotional awareness as progress
   Overcome a fear isn’t just about doing more. It’s about feeling more—with compassion, not judgment.
6. Seek support if needed
   Through Trauma-informed coaching, therapy, I can help you unpack these patterns safely. You don’t have to process it alone.

Remember:

Confidence isn’t built by forcing yourself through fear.

It’s built by meeting yourself with care — again and again — until your body begins to believe: “I am safe. I can trust this.”

And once your nervous system starts to feel safer, that’s when you’re able to take gentle, supported steps forward — like riding again… or even heading out on the trail.